The Fearful Day Is Rapidly Approaching

There is now a day in my diary and it’s flashing at me like some big evil red buttony thing. On Wednesday I will begin the process of stopping producing sperm any more. My snip date is in. It was remarkably easy in the end. Though I am getting it on the NHS it is at a private clinic and, surprise, surprise, there’s quite a high drop out rate. I pretty much got to choose any Wednesday between now and the end of August and since any time in August would mess work around way too much I thought I might as well crack on with it.

Tomorrow I must remove my pubes with hair-remover cream. Let’s hope Boy doesn’t get back up after bed tomorrow for if he does he will catch Daddy, trousers round ankles, willy waving in the wind (I can dream) removing copious amounts of cock-beard with a wipe. Or I could just lock myself in the bathroom and shower it off. Less funny but much less chance of the authorities being involved.

Today I have ‘patch tested’ the removal cream to see if I’m allergic (PLEASE be allergic, PLEASE be allergic). In honour of the LOCOG ban on symbols representing the events in our Big City I have fashioned my patch in to a ring. I have 2 hairless rings now. WAIT! Don’t run away. You’re the last one left reading this stuff. *sobs*

I have a picture of the LOCOG inspired ring of hairlessness but I’m not quite brave enough to post it. It’s on my tummy though, promise.

My state of mind could best be described as ‘resigned’. This is going to happen whether I like it or not. I was starting not to so today I treated myself to a walk round Morrison’s in Reigate, just before lunchtime on the first day of school summer holidays. After 15 minutes you could have removed it with kitchen scissors, sans anaesthetic.  There was also another practical purpose to my visit as I had to purchase paracetamol and ibuprofen as apparently, afterwards, it really fucking hurts.

That’s not the only risk though. There are chances that:

– I will get an infection and end up in A&E

– It won’t work

– It will work but will magically reverse later

Great.

It won’t work immediately anyway. I have to wait about 16 weeks and then send a sample (at least that will be more fun than giving blood, to quote the old Golden Girls gag) and then they will tell me if it’s worked and THEN wifey can stop taking pills.

Mainly I am focussing on one thing. They have given me a little Valium-like thing to take on the morning of the op. Strangely this is not making my brain go ‘wow this could be stressful’. Instead it’s going ‘WAHEY, FREE DRUGS’ while turning cartwheels. If I can make it do that on the day we should be ok.

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