When Your Kid Gets Judged By A Train Full Of Football Fans

So today was a football day. I think I’ve previously mentioned this is mine and Best Friend of All’s time away from family though we have recently talked about taking Boy and his 3 Boys. In the end we decided to leave it another season. This morning when Boy picked up his Brighton flag and asked if he could come (he can’t, it’s all ticket and he doesn’t have one) I briefly regretted this. By the end of the train ride home however I knew we were right to leave ourselves sans children at the Amex again next season.

After the game the train back to Brighton pulls in and everyone piles in to a carriage. Just as the doors close cue a HUGE tantrummy shriek from a kid ‘somewhere’ on it. Like the wail of a banshee. Like a wolf’s howl recorded at 33rpm and played at 78. And it goes on and on and on until:

(all below speech is very loud and directed to the whole carriage)

Brighton Fan 1: Will someone PLEASE shut that kid THE FUCK UP.

Brighton Fan 2: Give him a dummy. Or some Skittles

Brighton Fan 3: I think Skittles are the problem. I think he’s had about 10 packets.

Middlesboro Fan: I thought it was nice down here. Is that’s what it’s like to live here really?

Brighton Fan 1: He could be one of yours.

Middlesboro Fan: I hope not. He’d be on our train back to Boro. 7 hours of that? FUCK NO. He’s yours.

Brighton Fan 4: He could be reliving the moment you hit the post at one up.

And so on and so on.

I could see some of the speakers but not the child. I had no idea who the parent was or what was going on with the parent. There was certainly no riposte. It was quite intimidating.

Terrible isn’t it? Or just brutally honest.

Imagine the same scream in a packed Giraffe restaurant. Or an NCT play group. Dozens of middle-class parent eyes on you. None of them saying a word. Just thinking. Leaving the parent to their paranoia. Their maybes.

What would you prefer?

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  1. #1 by mamadestroy on March 31, 2012 - 11:29 pm

    Once on the subway in Brooklyn my 2 year old decided that the most amusing thing he could possibly do was to scream, the kind of high-pitched shriek only a child can produce, and when I attempted to silence him he looked at me, brow furrowed, in a ridiculous imitation of my expression, and said loudly, “DO I LOOK HAPPY? DO YOU THINK THIS IS APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR? DO YOU WANT TO GO IN TIME OUT WHEN WE GET HOME?” All eyes were on me. Everyone on the train hated me. When we reached our stop I slunk out of there, head hung in shame. Thank God it was not a train ful lof Yankee fans. My boy wouldn’t have made it to 3.

  2. #2 by Bibsey Mama (@BibseyMama) on April 1, 2012 - 7:44 am

    I was on a plane going back to the UK for a Christmas visit and I had my 20 month old daughter. It was just me and her. She had a meltdown during takeoff but calmed down when the seat belt sign went off and I could let her stand for a bit and then she was brilliant for the rest of the flight. I heard a man two rows up say nastily “oh, will someone put a sock in it?!” If he had turned around and said it to my face he would have seen that I was already in silent tears (I couldn’t stop it) struggling to control 12 kilos of angry baby/toddler. I’d been up since 4am for a midday flight.

    So, that was pretty terrible for me. Honest and brutal, yes. And quite insidious really because I didn’t see the face for the voice. He didn’t come and say it too my face. Cock!

  3. #3 by mammasaver (@mammasaver) on April 2, 2012 - 12:39 pm

    Oh dear god! What would I prefer? Silent derision from NCT mums, I think. Then at least I can pretend they’re either trying to hold in an unpleasant smell or work out a tricky sum.

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