Half a meme. HALF A MEME? Is this possible? Well I’m about to attempt it. If I suddenly go all blog silent you’ll know I’ve been arrested by the Meme police. Or got writers block. Or Baby has tipped water in the laptop. But it’s probably arrested by the Meme police.
So Vanessa at http://housewivesincorporated.blogspot.com/ tagged me in a meme and it is undoubtedly the most devilish yet and I am handing it in half done. I will explain why at the bottom. But here’s what I have done. First the rules. It’s always rules first with Memes.
1) You must post the rules
2) Post 12 fun facts about yourself in the blog post
3) Answer the questions the tagger has set for you in their post and then create 12 new questions for the suckers victims fellow bloggers you plan to tag
4) Tag 12 people and link to them on your blog
5) Let them know you tagged them
Twelve Facts About Me
- I once went to a Goth club in a U2 t-shirt for a bet and didn’t get beaten up.
- My highest snooker break is 45. I did it under the influence of 3 bottles of Becks in a Cypriot club in Harringey.
- I made my wife tour round an ‘aquarium’ in Tokyo because I thought it featured a 10 foot tall, large breasted woman surfing on a dolphin. It didn’t, it wasn’t an aquarium but rather a theme park to a Japanese novelty band. And you couldn’t U-turn.
- Talking of Tokyo I LOVE sumo-wrestling.
- I am totally self-taught cooking wise. As a result I can cook a steak to perfect doneness but for ages didn’t know what a roux was.
- To keep me amused when I commute I make up names for fellow regular travellers. So if you’re reading this ‘woman I’d like to throw off between stations’, hello! *waves*
- My 3 favourite albums of all time are the eponymous debut by ‘The Stone Roses’, ‘Bummed’ by the Happy Mondays and The Seldom Seen Kid by Elbow. All come from the Greater Manchester area yet this more charts my progression from Hoodie-Donning Raver to Old Man in Pub with Real Ale and Good Lyrics Addiction than any geographical preference.
- Crocodiles can’t snowboard. Neither can I.
- I tend to think Peter Ward should be knighted.
- I once wrote an essay for a private school scholarship that was in a similar voice to my blog and featured a headmaster called I. Thwackem. I didn’t get in.
- I have partied with Mormons in Idaho.
- English was my best and favourite subject at school yet the one I use day to day at work is Maths.
Vanessa’s Questions For Me
How many places outside the country you were born in have you visited?
I’ve lived in three other countries (Australia, Japan and Taiwan), worked in two others (India and Ireland) and been on holiday to another *opens fingers* *opens fingers again* 16 *wishes I was from Tasmania as could have counted on one opening*
Do you own a currently valid passport.
We all do, even Baby. Getting the photo was NOT fun.
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? And are you doing that now?
A professional footballer and later a journalist. No on both counts.
What (or where) would your dream holiday/vacation be?
The best I have been to is Kota Kinabulu in Malaysian Borneo. Sun, beaches, hikes, orangatangs and awesome, awesome food. The one I want to do that I haven’t is a foodie short break to San Sebastian.
If you could invite ANYONE at all to a dinner party at your home, who would be top of the guest list and why?
I couldn’t leave it at one guest! I’d have Anthony Bourdain cooking and Louis De Bernieres, John Simpson and Joey Barton as the guests. The night would end in a fist fight and then I’d make them all write about it in the morning.
If you could invite someone from history to the said dinner party, who would that be, and why?
Winston Churchill. For helping save the world from the Nazis while drinking, smoking and being a bit witty. Also because I would have loved his Twitter feed if he’d lived today.
What would be on the menu at the said dinner party?
Starter – seared scallops with black pudding. Main – Onglet (hanger) steak (rare), frites, tomato salsa. Pudding – Chocolate Fondant. My party, my food.
If you could change the World what would you do? Where would you start?
Outlaw broccoli. I’d start by napalming every crop.
When your cupboards are running bare, and you lack inspiration, what is your standby thing to make for dinner?
In the winter stew. Take whatever leftovers & staples I have and cook them long and slow in stock, wine, garlic and thyme. In the summer a ‘picnic’, same leftovers cold with beer, bread and condiments.
How would you define happiness?
Playing with my kids, quality time with my wife, last minute winners by Will Buckley.
If you could give your house/home a name, what would it be and why? (If your house already has a name, what is it and did you choose it?)
I am NOT naming my house. Or maybe I could call it Dunshittin’. Or Dave. Or Little Shop of Horror Toddlers. Or Haemorrhoid Cottage. *decides not to name house*
What do you hope to accomplish through your blogging.
To write about my every day experiences in a way that will make people laugh and think. If it also makes them feel they are not alone then so much the better.
So that’s the easy bit done. Here’s where I bail. I am VERY new to this and I honestly don’t know 12 bloggers who would willingly do this that haven’t a) already been tagged or b) haven’t recently done something similar. I have been wracking my brain and the best I could come up with is this. If you read this and want to have a go just do. And answer Vanessa’s questions because they’re good. They actually made me think about stuff other than puns and football. Post any attempts as a link in my comments so I can read the results of your torture….